Dira Sudis (dsudis) wrote,
Dira Sudis

Jesus-Asterisk* He Knows Me

And he knows that I am not right at all. To wit:

This morning I went (very slowly) running for the first time in ages and then I figured I'd make it a clean sweep of doing stuff I mean to do on Sundays but usually don't, so I went to church.

I'm an ex-Catholic atheist, so the church in question is Unitarian Universalist (deeply unscientific polling** indicates that UU is the place to go when you're done being Catholic but still want somewhere to hang out on Sunday mornings). I don't have anything I would call a spiritual practice, but I like going to church for kind of the same reason I like running and seeing movies in theaters: it forces me to monotask, to actually focus on what I'm doing rather than getting lost in the internets or whatever story currently occupies my mind. During the quiet moment at the start of the service my mind started gravitating to Nate, trying to figure out an upcoming bit of story, and I reeled myself in, focusing on the present. The woman leading the service even said something about letting go of what prevents you from being fully present, and I thought, ha, yes! Get thee behind me, semi-fictional Marines!

So we had a guest speaker: an Army officer who is a veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan and who closed his talk with a story about his experience at SERE.

I am forced to consider the very real possibility that Jesus-Asterisk is fucking with me.

* Jesus-Asterisk being, you know, a shorthand for whatever omniscient universal thing there may or may not be, to which I feel no especial obligations of religious practice.

** By which I mean I was once in a not-purposefully-selected group of six UUs where five of us were former Catholics and the sixth was still going back and forth between a Catholic church and UU.

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Tags: dira versus the world, generation kill, writing makes me crazy
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